Strategies are what really make us tick. Everything we do is a strategy.
Each of us have a strategy for feeling Deep Love.(we are not talking attraction) we are talking deep love, where you feel Trust, Connection and Understanding.
There is a very easy way for finding your deep love strategy, and your partners.
There are many books that have been written, Love strategies have been around for a very long time. Especially on 5 Love Strategies, but I believe there are only 3..Let me explain...
When you first get together with a partner all 3 strategies are running, that is why you feel you are in a bliss moment in time. Then over time there is comfort, and busyness in the relationship. One of the love strategies can drop off, then maybe another. and in-fact you may find you are not feeling as loving towards your partner and feeling they are not loving towards you in the way that you need to be loved.
So I want to go into what these LOVE Strategies are:
Number 1 - The Visual Strategy - The showing of LOVE, simply means, buying gifts, looking a certain way, doing acts of service, doing things outside of the home, showing love.
Masculine Partner - taking care of the garden, taking care of the car, doing acts of service carrying the bags, showing you love by doing.
Feminine Partner - Keeping the home looking lovely, doing things that need to be done in the house, doing things for your partner, showing LOVE.
Do you feel true LOVE from your partner when they…?
Do things for you?
Bring you flowers?
Buy you something?
Take you away on a romantic Getaway, showing their LOVE?
Is that when you feel most LOVE, if so then your love strategy is VISUAL.
What is the thing you stop doing when you’re not feeling LOVE for your partner? That will be your LOVE Strategy, but let’s keep going.
Number 2 - Words of Affirmation Strategy - Words such as, I LOVE You, do you like to hear that throughout the day? How many times do you like to hear that, do you like to hear it many times throughout the day?
Do you like the sound of your partner’s voice?
Do you like to be able to talk to them throughout the day?
When you talk to them, is their tone of voice important; so let’s say they are at work and they rush you off the phone, does that make you feel unloved or do you just think they are busy and it doesn't really matter?
If the tone of voice is very important to you, you like to hear words like sweety or baby, pet names that you have for each other, are the words they say important? When you are not feeling love for them, do you stop talking, saying lovely words, calling them pet names? If so, then your LOVE language is Words of Affirmation.
Number 3 - The Touch Strategy - closeness, spending quality time together, lots of kissing, holding your hand, intimacy, touch.
Say they are not doing anything like this, ask yourself, if they are not touching me, not around me, do I still feel loved or does it not matter so much?
If touching and proximity are very important to you, for this strategy. If you need your partner to touch you, stroke you gently as you walk or like to be around them all the time. If so, then your LOVE language is Touch.
If you’re not happy with your partner, is touch and proximity to them, connection, the first thing you take away?
So the question you may ask yourself and your partner:
How do you know that your partner truly loves you?
How do you know in your bones through and through?
Is it when they -
Show you, by doing acts of service for you?
Is it the words that they say, and the way they say them?
Is it the way they touch you being in your proximity, spending quality time with you?
Which one is it for YOU?
You may find yourself saying its all of them but it’s actually not, because all of them are when your first together.
One will stand out above the rest.
Do you still feel love from your partner when they don't touch you all the time or aren't in proximity to you?
If your partner doesn't say I love you all the time in that endearing voice, do you still feel loved?
Do you come home and nothing’s been done around the house, do you still know that they love you?
When they are angry with you what is the thing they stop doing?
Do they stop
Buying you things,doing acts of service, stop showing you they care?
Do they stop talking to you, speaking in a loving tone, or calling you your special pet names?
Touching you, being close, spending quality time with you, stroking you as you pass by?
Normally the thing they stop doing, is the Love language that they prefer, because as time goes by and you have been together for some time you automatically default to your own preferred love language. You treat them the way you want to be treated but you forget that this may not the preferred way that they need to know that they are fully loved by you.
So be aware of what love language your default to as this can make a massive difference in your relationship and sex life, your intimacy will suffer and you will be wondering why you’re both not 100% happy as you were when you first met.
Know their LOVE language, tell them yours so you can both be getting everything you need from the relationship and take your love to new heights that you never thought were possible after being with them for so many years....
Relationship and Sex Therapist